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#764

Dear you, My life had turns upside down. I'm not the girl who deserve you. I'm full of flaws. How I wish I could tell you how I feel, how hard it is to bear everything alone. To fall for you without a reason. Only if I know the reason behind it, so I could erase and destroy them. It's been eleventh years since we met for the first time and  almost 5 years I'm having this thought on you. It's wrong I know. I begged to HIM for a help. I just want to clear my mind. Frankly I don't solely believe in love or relationship. I'm looking for a friend and a companion. Who I can talk with beyond the topic of marriage or love. I've been living alone for more than 4 years right now. I'm used to do things on my own. But sometimes when my mind get wild with thoughts I wish I have someone to talk to. Talking about such random things. I love to learn as I know how hard it is to be ignorant. To left behind. I've been working hard so I could stand on my own. Ma...
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#858 (ii)

Saat mereka mula bicara tentang percaya, saat mereka katakan tentang angan, saat mereka bentangkan masa depan ;       aku sudah lama hanyut dengan selainnya. Tanpa percaya, angan dan masa depan,       yang ada cuma hari dan waktu berlalu,       ruang kotak batu dan kebuntuan. Pada mungkin waktu mereka berhenti dari bicara semuanya;       aku sudah lama pekak, bisu dan lupa Tentang apa atau sesiapa.
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#858

This is the journey of my life. One day the storm will stop. Everything will past. I'll be okay, right? The sweetness of life will appear along the hardships. One day, I'll move forward and forget everything that hurts. One day, I'll be where I wish for so long and all this pain will gone. I'll go to Japan, fullfill my dreams and forgetting you. One day, I'll admit that this feelings was wrong, and such a mistake. I'll get my feet on the ground and accept the reality. I'll walk away from memories, enjoying the moment I live. I'm sorry for being ridiculous. I've been so wrong all this while. I'll be gone. I'll be okay. Yes I do. Even if that makes me living not ordinary and normal life. Even if that makes me be alone till the times end. Even if that makes me be the worthless for everyone. I'll be okay as long as I could find my self and be the one I want to. I want to be free. It's me who take things w...
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#861

I'm trying to recall my sweet past. Where at my worst I still could go out and alive. When I care for less. When I get hype with my day. When I don't feel hurts being hurting. When I could take things for granted. When alone is not lonely. I miss that whole night conversation, I miss the moment when I know where to run  who should I return to. I miss to be strong without this soaked eyes. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm fainted. 
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#868

I'm a suicidal.
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#907

Ada waktunya yang paling di mahu adalah menyerah. Berjuangan sendirian ini adalah rasa yang terpaling celaka. Percaya dan denial adalah bisik-bisik yang ada waktunya meluka dengan lebih dalam. Membunuh hancur. Namun, pilihan yang ada adalah tiada, Terus bertongkat paruh. Jatuh berkali kali bangun kembali. Demi mereka yang dipunya. hanya itu untuk itu kerana itu.
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#909

Orang cakap untunglah kerja kerajaan, untunglah jadi cikgu gaji banyak, banyak cuti, masa kerja singkat. Banyak kemudahan. Kerja senang dapat, belajar tak payah bayar hutang. Untunglah... Untunglah...dunia dapat akhirat dapat. Yang tak dinampak kerana tanggungjawab yang tergantung di kedua bahu ini. Kerana antara amanah negara dan tanggungjawab keluarga. Kerana semuanya ini, aku bukan aku lagi yang sama. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since the day they cakap untunglah.... It is not aku tak bersyukur dengan rezeki. Aku tahu berapa ramai lagi yang nak ada dekat tempat aku ada sekarang. Ramai lagi yang menganggur. Ramai lagi yang punya sijil gantung sahaja. Aku tahu. It's not about others. It's all about me. My past my present my future. How it was like. Aku bukan aku. Bukan untuk aku. How I fight the battle, how I struggle alone, crawling on my bed, soaked my pillow. Screaming out loud and hold my hand onto my mouth. Insomniac nights that drained me...
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